I got a letter today from an old college roommate. She said - you are a strong, independent lady who has strength and resolve. HA! If she only knew!
Few of my friends have experienced widowhood yet although several of them have experienced divorce. I don't know how much that hurts but let me tell you something - to survive widowhood, you are either strong and independent or you lose it!! The experts tell you to expect a least one year of indecision. HA! Mine lasted 4-5 years. And you don't know you are crazy until you aren't crazy anymore. And if you need it, you get professional help.
What does that have to do with country music?
When I was growing up there was one radio station to listen to. And it played that horrible country music all day long. But between 4-6 pm you could get "contemporary" music until it was time to "come home, come home, it's suppertime". I loved what is now called Motown and Elvis, of course. I loved the rhythm, I loved the bass, I loved the words - you could understand them. Then along came the Beatles and I thought they sounded like they were standing up there shouting and screaming the words and sometimes I couldn't understand the words. So through college I shifted between country (but not bluegrass) and Motown.
When I met Ivan, he was pure country - that beer drinking kind of country - the sadder the better. So I learned to like Conway Twitty, Merle Haggard, Willie Nelson, Tammy Wynette, Loretta Lynn, Charlie Rich and all those of that generation. I could understand the words and I liked the rhythm. For 34 years, I listened to country daily. Until the day Ivan died. After that, I couldn't listen to country music at all no matter how I tried. So I switched the radio stations to what is now referred to as Golden Oldies.
Until this January - and for some unknown reason, after over 8 years, I can again listen to what is now referred to as Country Classics. I was searching radio stations, landed on a country station, liked it, and could listen without being flooded with sadness and misery. I could actually laugh as I remembered where Ivan and I heard that song, who we were with, what we were doing and whether he sang along or not!!
So for all those out there who haven't faced widowhood yet - one of these days you are going to think you are crazy and you are and that's okay. And as the saying goes, time heals all wounds. And you will be strong and independent as well - or you don't survive!